FISHING REPORT

Donkey's go NEIGH!
Today I went fishing down at Gutters Beach. As I gathered together my massive collection of super elite lures and hooks I realised that over the past 2 years I have spent at least $2000 on this hobby. Well I guess it's a lifestyle for gnarly pisscatorians like myself. With all my gear strapped to the side of my donkey I proceeded to trek through the sand dunes. Unfortunatly Tiger (the aformentioned mule) died from dehydration or something before we made it to the beach so I had to stop and bury him. After lashing together a couple of my super-awsome rods with high grade line (75kg shit), i placed this holy cross in the ground above the poor Tiger's grave. A few final prayers later and I proceeded on my way.

Wugite Sushi
Several moments later I saw a killer mad Woogite (it's a snake) blocking my path and baring its teeth and hissing at me and stuff. I asked it politely "Would you please be so kind as to move fine sir?" and it bit me on the leg. "Muther Fucker" i thought and then "Mutha fucker" I said, my spittle flying into the Woogite's eyes and temporarily blinding it. This was the only chance i needed. Wielding two Ugly Stick's I bought down fury as no man (or snake) has seen, cutting the venomous reptile into tiny sushi-like pieces. As i stood there covered in cold-blood, it occured to me, I had been bitten by a wascally woogite! Realising that soon the poison would fill my whole body I removed my Whitby scaing knife and proceeded to remove my whole lef leg. But being as I am so super-hardcore it didn't even make me flinch. I then used my lighter and the knife to cauterise the wound, picked up the woogite sushi (Great Bait!!!), took up anther rod and limped further down the path.

Zorro is wicked
Finally I made it too the beach and set up my gear. First and most importantly, before I begin to fish I always say the fisherman's prayer ten times in Dolphini. Here it is such that you too can share in some blessed fishing trips:

God give me strength to catch a fish,
So big that even I,
When telling of it afterwards,
Have no need to lie.

I have found it even works for girls, except you have to exchange 'fish' for 'bitch' and 'big' for 'so totally fully sexy'. Prayers signed, sealed and delivered, it was now the time to choose my rig. Many people have different ideas on what is a good rig, but I have always found a big bag of weed tends to attract plenty of stone fish. And stone fish suck so don't use that. You'd probly do better to smoke that. This pleasent morning I chose to use a figurine of Zorro as a big breakfast of Swordfish was right up my alley. I also used a medium-sized Buddha as a weight. Super-Great for extra fishing-karma.

TIME FOR SOME REHABILITATION, OH YEEEEEAHH!!!!!1!
I can't remember much more of that day except I woke up in hospital and someone had given me a robotic leg, which was so mint ox it was pepppermint ox. or maybe spearmint. Whichever is more minty. Acutally make that FIsherman's Friend ox. It was good news, to say the least. Then the nurse came in and gave me some drugs and i went cool and she went you're hot so we got the shit on if you know what i mean. 5 hours later, while I was having my recovery smoke, my mates came in and said "Whoa, Dude, you are like the most totally hardcore fisherman ninja there ever was maaan!" and I was like "Thanks guys now get me out of here before the nurse wakes up!". So i smashed the jail door down with my robotic foot and my laser-eyes and we went back to my mates place and had the most killer sesh ever and ate that stupid fucking wugite.

Overall, I would rate fishing trip about 2 prawns out of a bag. Fishing is just too boring.

Next week, I review Thursday Night.